Hard Questions

While mowing the grass this morning, it occurred to me, "Isn't it time we Flight Attendants asked ourselves some hard questions?"

Prior to last Saturday, how many of us can honestly say that they would look favorably at being seen as a "peer" of an Asiana Flight Attendant?

If we answered honestly, we likely said something like "not me".  And why is that?  Many of us are as guilty of seeing non-U.S. crews through the prism of stereotypes as the U.S. traveling public is in their view of us! I include myself in that rather broad accusation.  I was admittedly surprised that the 777-200 that crashed in SFO was staffed with 12, rather than DOUBLE that number which my preconceived notions dictated.  I thought that all 12 would be aged 35 or younger with little to no seniority.  I believed that a Korean airline would be staffed with "Flight Attendants" in name only; meaning that their service role was the entirety of their job.  How wrong I have been!

With those rather perjorative stereotypes in mind, I would not have looked favorably on being compared to a F/A for a Korean carrier, or most other foreign carriers, for that matter.  In my own mind, I HAD GREATER VALUE.  Oh what a difference one ill-fortuned landing can make!

Today, most of us are eager to stand on the shoulders of our Asiana peers and proclaim their heroism, as though we somehow share in their accomplishment by virtue of the fact that we are Flight Attendants, like them.  Really?  I'm more than a little ashamed of myself for a couple of reasons...

#1  The very reputation that Asiana and other foreign carriers' Flight Attendants enjoyed prior to the crash of OZ 214 was one of service.  Somehow, in the American lexicon, a profession of service is not worthy of honor or respect.  Who's responsible for that?  Is the public with their uninformed, thoughtless public pronouncements guilty or we who proclaim ourselves as "safety professionals" and do nothing to promote the value of our service role (a role which we spend 99.9% of our time at work performing!).

#2  Isn't it just a little hypocritical to distance yourself from a peer one minute and the next, proclaim them heroic due to an unfortunate circumstance?

Many of us are fortunate that we will NEVER have to face the circumstances faced by the crew of OZ 214.  In my nearly 30 years, I've had two instances of rapid decompression with mask drop, once on a DC10 and once on a 737.  While both were traumatic, neither can be compared to OZ 214 on any level.  Two Flight Attendants were EJECTED from the fuselage upon tail strike, before the wheels ever touched the ground!  Just imagine...

My grandmother often said (well into her 70s) that the day she stopped learning would be the day she didn't deserve to "take up space".  I'm 53 now and happy to say that I live by that advice.  What has this lesson taught me?

I will continue to proclaim the heroism of the Flight Attendants of OZ 214 for they SO richly deserve it!  But I will honor them, AND MYSELF, further by holding up their OTHER reputation, the reputation of service, in the light that it deserves.  In my SERVICE, I will honor, respect, and uplift my profession in hopes that it reflects as positively on Yoon Hye Lee, Tae Sik Yoo, Woo Lee Han, Jung-Ah Hong, Sook Young Hyun, Soo Min Jeon,  Ji Youn Kim, Yunju Kim, Jeong Mi Lee, Jin Hee Lee, Tinnakul Maninart and Singhakarn Siritip as their actions have reflected so positively on me.

Someday soon...

I'll get back to regularly posting on this blog!  Right now, other issues have my attention...

IMPORTANT STUFF!

Issues don't arrive "BIG".  They just "show up" and we choose to make them big...or small.  Which way we go with them depends a lot on how we see ourselves.  Things that we think make us important, we make big.

And that's where all the trouble starts...

In the meantime, focus on a remarkable outcome brought about by some genuine, certifiable 21st century heroes.  There are 4 of the 12 Flight Attendants of Asiana 214 that crash-landed in San Francisco this past weekend in this photograph.  The lady on the far left is Ji-Youn KIM, the dimunitive woman who passenger Edward Rah described as carrying injured passengers "piggyback" out of the aircraft just before it burst into flames; all the while, tears streaming down her face.  I find the photo of her, in particular, to be very evocative; her face, her hands, her uniform almost perfect except for her lack of shoes.

I can only hope to be as brave and capable as this crew proved to be, should the need ever arise (God forbid!).

http://on.wsj.com/182mOG2

The Significance of a Flag

THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER is such an effective vehicle for conveying the significance of the flag which represents our country that little more can or should be said about it.  I remember learning in fourth grade that the red represents the blood shed for our freedom, the white, our purity of purpose and blue, the loyalty to our cause.  In Boy Scouts, I was taught to venerate the flag and to treat it respectfully, both in spirit and in handling.

How about you?  What special significance do the Stars and Stripes hold in your life?  Is it possible to be one of the most fortunate creatures on Earth, a citizen of the United States of America, and NOT feel a lump in your throat when our nation's banner is raised?

There is one flag that harbors special meaning to me and it occupies an unique place in my heart.  In 1994, this particular banner flew over the Capitol Building in Washington, D.C. to honor the accomplishment of Harold and Alma Reece, my grandparents.  What feat did they accomplish to merit such honor, you might ask?  Well, the flag flew to recognize their 70th wedding anniversary.  But really, it represents so much more...

Papa and Granna were Americana incarnate!  Papa first asked to marry Granna when she was just 15 years old.  It was The Depression and no one in the rural South had much.  But Granna's family owned an estate known in the area as "Cloudland" and were better off than many.  The patriarch of the Cloud clan, my great-grandfather, told Papa that if he still wanted her when she turned 18, that he could have her.  They married on her 18th birthday (Columbus Day, October 12, 1924).

Granna wore a robin's egg blue dress that Papa Cloud bought for her at a shop on the square in Marietta, Georgia for $24, a princely sum in those hard days.  (She still had that dress in her possession on the day the flag flew to celebrate the 70th anniversary of that wedding). The rawness of those times is unimaginable to most of us today.  After the ceremony, Papa and Granna were allowed an afternoon and evening to celebrate their union.  They were both back in the fields working the very next morning.  What was my Papa Cloud's parting remark to this young upstart who had taken his daughter?  "You know that you are getting my best worker."  That day of toil that was their honeymoon was just the first of so many that became the rhythm of their life together.

With little help other than what they provided one another, they started their family:  a child was born every two years for twenty years, eight of whom survived to adulthood.  After my father, Neal's birth, they managed to secure $500 credit to purchase their own 100 acre farm.  (That amount was financed over the standard 30-year term).   Together with help from his brothers-in-law, Papa felled trees and gathered stone on the property and built the simple house that was to become our family "homeplace".  It was there that an idyll, at least to these 21st century eyes, was formed.

For how else would you describe Americana perfection but as an idyll?  The land, the trees, the gardens, the animals, the barn and sheds, that house, the clothes drying on a wire line, the breeze, the red dirt, the SMELLS, the TASTES, the cool water from the well, the ABSOLUTE LOVE AND COMFORT AND SENSE OF PLACE & BELONGING that are the very definition of the word "home".  

Papa and Granna lived on together for a few more years after that special flag flew in their honor.  They lived together in that little house under the watchful, loving care of their family, just as they always had. Papa took his leave of this world first, peacefully in his own bed.  When Granna finally became "conscious" of his passing a few weeks later, she rushed to join him that same day.  It seems they were always meant to be together.

The tears that form as I write this re-affirm just how important all of those things continue to be in my life....and most of them exist now only in lovely, comforting memories. 

So, if you and I ever share a moment when the Stars and Stripes are raised, maybe you'll understand the significance of that moment in my life.  I can only hope and pray that all who read this attach their own significance to our flag and to the warmth and comfort that it can provide.

Setting Expectations

I've been working in A-zone galley this month, a fairly task-oriented position that normally has little/no direct interaction with customers. While I enjoy the challenge of something different, I've missed the face-to-face with the people who pay the bills. So, the last 2-3 trips, I've been trying a "twist" on accepted galley position Flight Attendant responsibilities.

Once I have the galley mostly sorted out, I take a breath and step out into the cabin to say "hello". Something like this, "Good morning. My name is Tony and I'll be working in the galley today. You won't see me very much but I'm here to help make sure you enjoy your flight. If you have any special requests or if something doesn't meet your expectations, please pass the word up to me. We're here to do what we can to make you happy. It's nice to have you with us!"

At the very least, I always get a "surprised" smile...usually a comment, often a question...or two...or many. It's interesting how VERY well-traveled customers can be so surprised by something so innocuous. And it's ALL SO POSITIVE!

A genuine desire to please is an honorable, powerful thing.

Just this past Saturday, on the return from Heathrow, catering was a total disaster. Just one example: we were surprised with two different chicken entrees (morel sauce [the one in the menu] and Tandoori) which, of course, we weren't prepared for. When two of our highest level frequent flyer customers who'd ordered the morel sauce version received Tandoori, the potential for dissatisfaction was great. Partly due to THEIR disposition (who can say where it comes from?), partly due to the excellent Tandoori entree, partly due to our genuine willingness to please, WE HIT A HOME RUN! They raved about their meals and at the end of the flight, when I went by to thank them for supporting my airline-employer, they both said, "compliments to the chef."

Is it silly to strive for excellence, no matter what you're doing?

When you set out to set an expectation, aren't you setting it for yourself as well as for the customer?

The Judgments of Others

In March of this year, I posted my thoughts on the "marriage equality" issue.  Despite yesterday's landmark ruling by the U.S. Supreme Court, I don't feel any differently.

" 'Where there is life, there is hope. Where there are hopes, there are dreams. Where there are vivid dreams repeated, they become goals. Goals become the action plans and game plans that winners dwell on in intricate detail, knowing that achievement is almost automatic when the goal becomes an inner commitment. The response to the challenges of life—purpose—is the healing balm that enables each of us to face up to adversity and strife.'  -Dennis Waitley (b. 1933)

The original quote, "Where there is life, there is hope" has all sorts of attributions:  from an ancient Chinese proverb, to Portuguese lore, to an indigenous tribe of Africa.  It's meaning has such universal import, I doubt that ANY attribution could be discredited.

The purpose for many of my friends and colleagues just now is the issue of marriage equality.  It seems that we may be on the cusp of seeing our society accept the universality of love and love commitments.  Since I am a gay man myself, living in a committed relationship of nearly 30 years, you might think that I see these events as the threshold of some sort of victory.  Ironically, I don't.

Assuming that the issue of marriage equality comes to pass, and all citizens of the U.S. are accorded the same rights and access to "marriage", what has changed in my life?  Do the sanctions of any government render my commitment to my partner, Philip, any more valid than our own mutual commitment to each other?  If our life together suddnely "turns on a dime" in the eyes of the law and community, how do we characterize the life we've led together up until that point?  Does our role as surrogate parents to the boy we helped raise to adulthood suddenly become legitimate?  Will those who must hate, hate us less?  Will all barriers to our happy and successful life together suddenly cease to exist?

Don't be NAIVE!

The life that Philip and I have built together is perfectly capable of standing on its own merit.  We neither need nor seek the sanction of the same individuals who have thrown at us every obstacle imaginable to our happiness before these momentous times arrived.

PHILIP AND I DEFINE WHO WE ARE AND WHAT WE STAND FOR.  And based on what I see day-in and day-out of "marriage"...

You can keep it!

I cherish life and venerate hope.  I have happily lived everyday of my life looking ahead in hope.  And I will continue to do so in the blissful knowledge that the acceptance, sanction, validation and LOVE of those who mean the most to me I already have."

One curious side note:  In view of SCOTUS' decision, Philip and I may be compelled to take action.  Isn't it ironic?  Oh, how the judgments of others guide our lives!

CHANGE: The Final Frontier

STAR TREK insisted that "space" is the final frontier and perhaps it is of the external.  But of the internal, "CHANGE" is the final frontier; it engenders so much potential but, at the same time, so much pain and anxiety.  

The way a given population adapts to change has been documented scientifically using a bell curve:  eager beavers, early adapters, kickers & screamers, never evers.  It doesn't matter where you fall on the curve, change is inevitable.  It's processes were at work before you were born and will persevere long after your demise.  So given the universality of change, why haven't humans assimilated it and embraced it over the millennia?  Why does it instill so much emotion?

My answer is because WE instill so much importance in our "normal", our point of stasis.  We work to achieve a comfortable balance in our lives of work, home, family, friends, wealth, security, comfort.  In my opinion, we fool ourselves into thinking that our individual point of "balance" represents permanence.  Permanence as in immortality.  Crazy isn't it?  For all of our work, expense, fretting and angst, it really is just a house of cards.  We spend our existence fighting to deny our mortality.  When my Dad was at the height of his illness, he wanted so badly to plant and tend a vegetable garden.  I remember thinkinig, "how can he die with a garden to tend?"

After all, death is the ultimate change.

Of all the things that affect our brief existence, change is one of the few of any permanence.  Stop fighting it!  "Resistance is futile."

Rather than my regular blog posts, I am reliving the final months of my father's life in "AGAPE:  An Ode to My Father". 

You will find it in the tabs at the top (or, depending on your device, in the "drop down menu") of this page.

I'm also aware that many of you have attempted to leave COMMENTS and have found the process of doing so user-unfriendly.  I have attempted to remove as many obstacles as I can.  I hope that I've been successful.